I found a painting yesterday that reminded me of when I first officially started my divorce process. The painting says "Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself". Of course I bought it and hung it in a spot easily seen upon entering my home. It brought to mind another mantra I use ..."True love begins the moment you decide you are worth loving".
At the beginning of my divorce, I was nervous, unsure, down right scared about how my and my kids lives would be affected. I thought about how our emotional, financial, mental health would change; I thought about if I was doing the right thing, how I would feel about it afterwards, how it would be to be on my own...for the first time....EVER. You see, I joined the Air Force a year out of high school and married before ever living without the safety net of the military below me. So making this move would put me in a situation I'd never experienced before.
Amazingly, once the divorce was in action, something strange happened. I felt ...light. I felt free to be who I am without restrictions or judgement. I felt brand new. But it wasn't until after I took the action needed to "prove" to myself I was worth loving! And to move forward I had to believe that wholeheartedly. Believe me, it took a little while to get to it but when I did, oh boy!!
WHEN YOU LOVE YOURSELF, you won't allow anyone else to NOT love you the right way! You won't let anyone use, abuse or treat you badly. I've never been a victim of physical abuse but can you imagine sitting idly by watching another person hurt someone you love!? You couldn't do it and the same applies to when you love yourself. When you truly love yourself, you won't allow ANYONE to mistreat you.
There are some who use "understanding" and "godliness" as excuses to stay in a relationship, be it a romantic relationship, a friendship, or a relationship with who we call our "associates". In reality, it's plain and simple fear. We let people tell us how "strong" or "amazing" we are but deep down in the depths of our hearts, we know it's F.E.A.R. We're always claiming faith but we stay stuck by the fear of moving on and beyond what we can see. We start on the "what ifs", making excuses about how the other person may feel, and all the other doubts we place in our minds. Thinking no one else will love us when all we need is what we already have inside of us to love ourselves and knowing the rest will follow... Knowing it's going to be alright.
*DISCLAIMER: This is NOT to say divorce is always "the answer"!! I honestly feel if you can work on and BOTH of you are invested in your marriage, by ALL MEANS you should work to no ends to save your relationship! Marriage can be hard work at times and giving up should not be an option when both of you want to save it!
If you need to talk, you can find me at:
www.facebook.com/rhrnlifecoaching
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