More Ramblings ... and a PTP Note

Sometimes I wonder how others can’t do it.  When I was much younger, I thought everyone could sense that sliver of deceit, manipulation, sadness, insecurity on those they came in contact with.  Why couldn’t they feel the issues from the past the people they spoke to had gone through?  And what were these dreams about anyway?  Maybe that’s why it was so hard to hold eye contact with folks when I was growing up…afraid they would see what I’m seeing in them.  Or maybe I was just shy....I don’t know, but I do wonder sometimes.

I don’t have that issue now.  Eye contact is vital.  Intentions can be viewed from the eyes; stories can be told through simple phone conversations; past trauma can be sensed through body language and facial expressions; sickness can be smelled. 

I went through a short span of nostalgia a couple days ago because I missed my mama.  She understood me without question.  She also helped me maneuver through and grow my gift.  There are others who know me but none quite like my mama….close but not quite the same.  I do miss her. 

Last night I dreamed something about a child being used as a pawn.  In the dream it seemed someone outside was doing the manipulation but turned out, those I thought were the victims and one of the parents were in on it.  It wasn’t to hurt the child but to “catch” the actions of another person.  Watch over your kids, keep an eye on who tries to encourage you to let them go somewhere with them WITHOUT you.  Don’t know what that means but there ya go.  Use it as you need.

Until next time, take care of yourselves!  <3

I Still Exist... Random Ramblings

Hey y'all!

I know, I know...I got lost for a little bit.  But ...I'm back.  Been super busy planning events for various folks and also getting my handcrafted jewelry business off the ground.  It's exciting ..but I'm back!  :-)

Today as I was walking around the building I work my bill-paying job, I noticed I do a couple unusual (or not) things in my everyday life that some may find...weird.  Don't get me wrong, I'm totally okay with "weird"!  I wouldn't want to be anything other than who I am and if weird is part of that make-up, I'll take it.

For one...being 5'9", my reach is a little higher than a lot of folks.  I find myself reaching at least a foot higher than "usual" to open doors.  I do it to avoid the mainstream of hand germs that may have proceeded me.  I also find myself cringing every time I have to open a handled door, thinking about the numerous amount of sweaty, dirty, etc... fingers that's gripped that door in that exact same space.

I also count.  Everything.  I may be slightly OCD because I find I not only count things, but I put numbers and letters in order!  License plates, road signs, words on a book...it could be anything and I'll put it in some form of order.  As I was typing this, it got me to thinking.  What if my need to put things in order stems from some traumatic event that may have happened, centering around being out of order...being out of control?  I know one of my mate fears is to be with a man who has no control over himself...physically, mentally, etc..  I remember being out with a guy who got upset I wasn't "feeling" him the way he thought I should...after all, he was supposed to be a ladies man so why wasn't I impressed?  He started getting a little loud, acting as if he was upset, ...heck, I'm sure he was upset! But he started raising his voice at me and my very first thought was "Well, it was good knowing him" and not soon after that night, I "ghosted"...yep, faded right out of that dudes life.  lol!  And it wasn't because of that one incident but because he displayed that one sign of being "out of control" of his emotions.  Maybe something happened in my life that frightened me while witnessing an out of control individual.  I don't know.   Gotta think about that one more...later.

Another idiosyncrasy I have is about time.  I don't like the thought that I'm wasting it.  You may be thinking, "that's a pretty decent flaw" but I'm not talking about wasting your life away not living, type of situation, although I do value that sentiment as well.  No, I'm talking about feeling the need to do everything I can orderly do, within a space and time frame, not wasting effort when certain things can all be done at the same time.  Actually, I now see this is another  form of the "order - control" thing, I'm REALLY going to have to look into this!  ...later.

These last two may actually be a good idea everyone can incorporate into their daily routines.  When using public restrooms....after washing our hands, use a napkin to open the doors!  Why go through the ritual of washing your hands if after doing so, you're going to just stick you hand back in the space where other dirty hands have been!  And lastly, always carry a pack of sanitary hand wipes to clean your hands after pumping gas at gas stations! Same reasons as the restroom thing because can you imagine, every walk of life imaginable have clutched those pump handles...yuck.

Okay, so I'm back; I still exist.  I won't keep this rambling thing up any more.  Besides, it's late, I'm tired and my bed is calling me!  I will try my best to not let as much time pass before I'm back on again, sharing.  :-)

Chat with ya later~