Life Coaching Service....

As a Life Coach, here's what I'm all about....who do you know?

Email me at:  info@trenajones.com

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You're Either With Me or Against Me. Period.

"As a couple, you're either fighting together or against each other...no compromise."  This is what I've always believed and tell others constantly..."if she's not with you, she's against you. 


Of course I'm not talking about the ordinary, everyday disagreement that naturally and normally happen within a relationship, not at all.  But there's nothing sexier than a man defending his woman against anything and anyone who tries to disrespect or come between the two.  Not only does it make a woman feel secure and safe, it makes her feel as if she's his priority.


This was one of the earliest things I learned in a romantic relationship.  I can remember, as a very young woman, the guy I was dating at the time was sitting with me on the edge of a bed and a roommate came in and playfully swatted at me, causing me to almost tip over from my cross-legged position.  My then-boyfriend quickly jumped up and grabbed for me.  I actually saw panic in his eyes as he reached me and righted my position....it absolutely melted my heart.  This incident cemented the desire to want ...no, require the man I'm with to always be there for me, keeping and protecting me from outside influences.


Even when it's not a physical situation of support, his emotional support is just as, if not more, important.  Nothing feels safer than when I know my actions won't be judged, criticized or argued against in defense of someone else...or anything that would place me on an uneven playing field with the one who should be my main support system, my team.  Nothing.


Sometimes love shows it's head in a broad, loud way, and sometimes in subtle ways, actions. Look for that kind of love, the kind that not only screams but also whispers as your support system in the background.. and don't settle for anything less.  <3

In ...or Out of Love....

Suspended in space, waiting for the free fall to begin.  Praying you survive the fall.  I'm ready now...3..2...1... 

It's Coming Together....I Believeeeeee It!

Sometimes I wonder about the signs...it's like, I know what seems to be happening but I can't grasp the suddenness of it all.  It's like everything I've done have led me to the space I'm in right now.  Last night I began an unexpected video series.  I started with one video and was moved to make another and then another.... In my head, it was only supposed to be that one video as usual.  But, due to a series of events, a second and third one was created.  I feel there's about 3 more that will come out of this one topic.

I had a vending event on Saturday.  During the event, an older lady approached my life coaching booth to ask if I took younger folks as clients.  We begin to talk and she brought her granddaughter over to speak with me for a little bit.  Wonderful young lady who've been through a lot. Yes, I feel in my spirit she will be alright but the conversation itself brought to mind another encounter I'd had the event prior. 

At that event, about a month ago, I met a young man who asked if I would be interested in speaking with a group of younger people from his school district.  And of course I will if ever presented the opportunity because I feel, if I can help, I'm going to help.

And coincidentally, I'm helping host a workshop at the end of this month.  The process has been something ....special...lol..but I've learned so much.  I was asked if I would be having another one at a later date...and of course, I will try to set that up some time in 2018. 

None of these experiences seem to be connected in any way whatsoever, however, there's a connection. I can FEEL it!!  And no, I won't be coming up with any "great connection" theory right here, right now, because at this point, although I can feel it, I can't see it yet.  At least not clearly.  But this post will serve as an "A HA" moment when it does come together and I just happen to check back here.  :-)

Oh! Wait, I do have something for you...  Parts 1 - 3 of the video series I was telling you about.  Maybe something said can help someone listening/reading.  Toodles!

Video 1
Staying in Mess

Video 2
How To Know You're In Mess

Video 3
Follow up to "Staying in Mess"

You. Are. Enough.

Recalculating.... Life's GPS

Limiting Beliefs

Finding Closure.... Shut Your Own Damn Door!

"Sometimes we have to provide our own closure. Please don't stay in a space where you're unhappy for too long.  If it's meant to be, it'll work out but you don't have to stay in unhappiness until it does."

This is the advice I gave a young lady in regards to trying to "get closure" from a boyfriend.  He was entertaining a "friend", known to have a crush on him, and when questioned or asked to end the ambiguity around the relationship, he pleaded ignorance and refused.

Ladies, (and guys too!) when our mates refuse to do even the most simple things to show us consideration and respect, we have to stop seeking closure from these people.  Nine times out of ten, they're not going to give it to you!  Why?  Because if easing your mind was their priority, you wouldn't be in the situation to start with. 

For some reason, we feel the need to let someone know, that we know, what they already know.  If a person is cheating on you, and you've found proof, why do you need to let them know, that you know, that they were behaving badly?  THEY ALREADY KNOW!!!... or it wouldn't have been hidden to start with!  To ask "Why?" is truly a waste of time...unless you're saying there's a reason that you'll accept for a person to plot and plan to intentionally hurt you.  Yeah, he/she will begin the explanation off with the exact opposite sentiment of,  "I never meant to hurt you", except...they DID!  If you think about the conniving and the lead and back stories it takes to explain missing hours, hidden texts and phone calls, you'll see he/she indeed knew it would hurt you but chose to do the act anyway.

I understand.  We want an answer...preferably something that'll make us feel better about the situation.  We want something to hold on to so we can avoid having to wonder what our friends will think; what our family will think.  We don't want to be lonely or have to be the proverbial third wheel while our friends ooze "love and companionship".  We don't want to feel as if something is wrong with us for not being able to stay in a relationship...

This is the thing folks, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS!  This is about YOUR life and YOUR happiness.  Unless you're telling me you'd rather live in pretense, void of true happiness than have a stranger or people who are suppose to be your friend/family judge you.  *And deep inside, we all know if they are true friends, that wouldn't even be an issue.  That you'd rather stay in that place of unhappiness and unfulfillment to evoke emotion from someone who obviously don't have your best intentions in heart to start with.  When you think about it, MOST times we stay in bad relationships to PROVE something to someone who ISN'T your friend.

STOP wasting your time worrying and wondering about the reactions of those around you.  These folks won't be there when you're sitting home alone wondering where your "mate" is or who he's with; these folks won't be the one suffering when said mate loses all respect for you and leave you anyway, these folks won't matter in the least when you're sitting in your last moments, wondering how you allowed ego and pride to deprive you of a life of happiness and self love.

If you are going through the belly-tightening, nauseous feeling, all consuming stage of finding "closure", please, I offer you this...CLOSE THE DAMN DOOR YOURSELF and get to moving!  Like I said above, if it's meant to be, it will be, trust that...but you need to keep moving; they'll just have to play "catch up" because stopping, for you, isn't an option!

With Love.     

Child Safety .... STAY VIGILANT!

People,

For the past THREE (3) days, I've had this foreboding in regards to child abductions.Keep your eyes and attention on your babies and young children AT ALL TIMES!  There's nothing....no text, no man, no woman, no job, no video, no CONVENIENCE, ETC.... in and out of this world, worth the safekeeping of your babies!  

LISTEN and TRUST your intuition!  Don't try to REDIRECT THAT FIRST VOICE REGARDLESS OF THE INCONVENIENCE!!!   Don't worry about a suspected individual's "feelings"...if they're innocent, they will understand and even if they don't...your child's safety is FIRST!  

Please stay vigilant, y'all... 

With Love.  <3

Frontal Faking...

...the art of emotionally manipulating a new relationship by pretending to be "more" in the beginning, in order to lure someone in....and then changing.

Change...

Change

Journaling.... Self Therapy

You ever go through a situation, that you've been in before several times, and for some reason, the usual internal response from you has changed?  No, this isn't the "meaning of insanity" type of situation, I'm talking about when something inside of you seems to have changed to an extent that makes going back to your usual response seem to be off the table for consideration. 


Ok, let me give you an example...  You're with your long time mate and that mate has a problem staying out later than you'd like him/her to.  When this usually happens, you get all up in a frenzy and argue the point, just to have to go through the same situation again a few weeks later.  And one night, after the late night happens again, you don't feel the need or desire to correct the situation...
------


Ok y'all.... this is why I'm an advocate of journaling!  I usually write these posts as it comes to me instead of a prepared "write, copy and paste" blog post.  And I promise you, as I was writing this post and this made-up example, it became clear...the feeling I'm speaking of is when you give up!  Or at least when you're at the point that you're willing to give up!  When making amends isn't that important anymore.  Wow.


In an effort to understand this, I suggest creating the old "pros and cons" list of the situation.  And depending on how the list comes out, listen to your instincts and act accordingly.  Now look at that...a piece of self therapy in the form of a blog post.  Too cool. 

That's Just Me....Right?

As much as I enjoy talking to people about things that interest me and passing on information, I'm "afraid" to speak publicly.  Now, the reason I've placed asterisks around the word is because I'm wondering if this is truth.  Or is it simply a past limitation I'm holding on to by habit?  I mean, I enjoy the rush and yes, I wish I were better at it but am I really that afraid if I'm constantly searching for opportunities to prove otherwise?


I ask myself this because, in the continuous search of self discovery, I've found I've held on to a few habits that no longer stand true.  Example... when I was younger, I used to love reading but HATED to be stuck in the kitchen cooking.  So I would turn the fire up high in hopes of getting the darn thing over with so I could finish my book.  Anyone who cooks know this is a recipe for disaster...I usually ended up with "out and in" food...  burnt on the outside and raw on the inside.  Ugh!  To this day, my sisters say I can't cook, although they haven't had a bad meal prepared by me yet.  And up until I had my children, I believed them...even when I knew my food was actually quite delicious!

I also started driving at a later age than most folks my age at the time.  So, with my late start, and learning in the DC metro area, I had major apprehension of driving in unknown places because of my fear of getting lost.  Now, the GPS has been in existence for quite a while, however, I still felt as if that was a fear of mine.  So every time I was tasked to drive to a new location I jumped right into this whole panic mode.  And when I thought about the whole situation, I found I actually enjoyed going new places!  My earlier fear of not being comfortable with driving held on with no proof of the truth being present.


We've all heard something said or described about us that we continue to hold on to even without there being proof of it being present in our lives.  Even if it had once been that way, we still held / hold on to it because, well, that's just the way it's always been.  Even the negative things.


When I finally caught myself being constantly praised for a good meal or not being afraid about driving in new places, it was like a weight had lifted!  I no longer had to have the anxiety and worry that came with "being" those things or following the expectations that come with the attributes!!


When was the last time you've checked your so-called truths?  Do you still accept the "truth" made by the 7-year old who called you ugly in grade school?  Do you still believe you are that impatient person your family member dubbed you as, even though YOU can't see this in yourself yet still find yourself over-extending yourself, trying to improve this so-called "fact" about you? ...that in fact, may not even exist any more?


The truth is, sometimes folks say things and then repeat them just because!  And if we hear it often enough, we believe it.  It's time to UN-believe it!  Don't live your present on a past lie!  Search for your own truth and don't let anyone else prescribe YOU to you again!  If you want to accept something as truth, accept this.... YOU. ARE. THE. PERFECT. YOU.  Now, how about that?


With love.  <3

Loving Myself

The first time I recognized I wasn't loving myself was when, in a relationship, I made this self declaration:  "Maybe I'll just go through this and demand better for myself in the next life".  No, not heaven, but my next lifetime.  Talk about martyrdom at it's finest!!  In the present, I'm realizing the first thing to address was my certainty of there even being a "next life".  I don't know how that belief crept in but it was obviously there.  Maybe it was because I KNEW, deep in my soul, things would and should be better for me, and if I couldn't see it then, then surely it had to manifest itself later in my life or lifetime, right?  Well, I now realize that was my inner conflict between my heart and earthly self versus my spirit and my soul.  


I came upon this memory while participating in one my most favorite pastimes, researching.  I found when someone says to another, "just learn to love yourself", one of the most constantly reoccurring questions being asked was, "but HOW? How do I do that, if I haven't been doing it before?"  And honestly, that's a really good question....  How does one learn to love themselves?  That's like asking a colorblind person to describe the color green.  If he's never experienced the color fully, how can he describe it?  When I think about the answer, it makes me dig down and attempt to remember when I feel I made the first baby-step towards self love.


So, there I was...putting happiness off until a lifetime I wasn't 100% sure would even happen. And then something amazing happened....the thought of what that lifetime would look and feel like!!  Oh boy! When I tell you that when you can picture and feel and taste and smell the space you want to be in, you send out the signals to the Universe that make that thing possible!  I saw peace of mind, freedom, sunshine, adventure and yes, some worry and fear but I also saw ....LIFE!  Life in this lifetime!


Every hesitation, every excuse, every fear was slowly but surely set aside to keep that vision of happiness in view.  With that came the faith that God was and always will be, with me.  Regardless of what anyone thought, felt, said, cut eyes sideways, gossiped about, GOD was going to be right there with me and I would move right on through to the other side of peace and happiness.  And that's exactly what I did. 


In no way do I claim to have all of the answers but I can tell you this from MY perspective and experiences.  I had to forgive myself first... for staying in the space for as long as I did; for allowing my loved ones to remain there with me; for not recognizing and then later, recognizing bad behavior but remaining anyways; for not following through with my warnings; even for my overly accommodating belief of "benefit of the doubt" and "human nature".  I then had to get my relationship between me and my intuition back on point again, back to trusting myself and my decisions.  Through self affirmations, fallings but getting back ups, sometimes jumping by the seat of my pants not knowing which direction I was going to fall, and with lots and lots of praying, I found me again.  And I love me...so much. 


I still have lots to learn about myself but I know, who I am at this moment will only get better.  And even as I answer, I realize I'm still growing in my own self love and I totally believe this journey should be a constant movement.


I'm not going to lie and say it was easy,.... but I will offer that it's definitely possible and most assuredly worth Every. Last. Ounce of the work you put into it!


With love.  <3    

Life is But A Dream...

Last night I dreamed about reaching out, schedule changes and feelings of being unprepared.  Don't know exactly where each point will manifest itself in my life but the one I feel moved to blog about, is the "reaching out" part. 


I dreamed, that within my dream, I dreamed of someone who felt such despair, she (he?) was considering ending her life.  In my dream, I walked past a young lady who looked to be attempting to hang herself.  I immediately stopped because I recalled the dream I'd had (within my dream).  When I got to her, I noticed I was mistaken, it was simply a necklace that was caught on the wall behind her.  But I still felt compelled to approach her.


I looked at her and was somewhat hesitant to say what I knew I was suppose to say but something inside pushed me beyond the hesitation, on to have the conversation.  So, I inquired about her well-being, asking her how was she feeling and if she was ok.  She responded with a "yes" but I felt the need to continue the conversation.  I told her that she'd frightened me when I first saw her because it looked like she was hurting herself.  She admitted she sometimes thought about it and participated in things that simulated the act of hanging herself.  I then told her, "well, don't continue that because I love you and wouldn't want anything to happen to you."   She stared at me in what looked like shock. At that point, she burst into tears and we just stood there for a minute within a hug.  I said to her, "If you EVER feel the need to talk with someone or just need someone to listen, I'm here."  She nodded, said "Ok" and we separated.  In the dream, I got the strong feeling she meant it and I would be hearing from her in the near future.  


All of this was a dream and a small part was a dream within a dream.  And I'm almost sure it stemmed from a conversation I had before bedtime.  But what I got from this, was this...


Even when I'm in doubt about what I'm able to do for someone or how I'm able to add value to the life of someone, EVERYONE has a role to grow into.  BUT, no matter where I am in my growth, someone can use the help, advice, listening ear, etc...I have to offer where I am, right here, right now.  And this goes for you too...  Someone is waiting for your gift; so much so, it could be life saving.   Even when it doesn't feel comfortable or you're feeling uncertain about reaching out to someone, don't ignore the push!  They need you.  The world needs you.


With Love  <3
*Edited to add:  After writing this post, I see how all of the points fit into the same scheme of things.  Life is amazing.  Maybe life really is but a dream.  :-)

Forgive Us Our Trespasses...

On certain routes that I drive, there are spots that I dedicate to prayer.  Not for any special reason other than that's when I know I won't be distracted by much outside stimuli and that I usually drive through this space alone most times.


A couple days ago during my drive through one of these spaces, I begin my regular ritual of prayer, giving thanks and praying for protection and healing of this crazy world.  But before I could get the first sentence out, something spoke to me...   Sidenote:  I'm a HUGE believer of trusting my intuition and listening to that something when I feel I'm hearing it.  The thought that came was, "Instead of just thanking Him, or asking for His protection, maybe we should pray to God for forgiveness.  Forgiveness of whatever we've done to offend Him."  ...and so I did and it felt like an answer...at least the beginning of an answer. 


God's word says where two or three gather in his name, He will be there in their midst.  Matthew 18:20, right?  Today, regardless of when you're reading this, take a couple minutes, seconds, out of your day to ask God for forgiveness.  "God forgive me, forgive us"...it's as simple as that.  No long drawn out thing is needed on this one. 


Sincerely, in my heart, I believe we need to do this.  I believe it will help. 

Friendly Enemies

Do you remember the movie, "Count of Monte Cristo", where the main character, Edmond, is falsely imprisoned by his jealous friend, Fernand?  Edmond later escapes, find treasure and proceeds to exact revenge on those he felt betrayed him.  In this movie, the betrayer, Fernand, appears to be very wealthy and pretty much has all a young man could ask for, whereas, Edmond is closer to "poor" in terms of wealth.  At one point in the movie, Edmond questions why his friend hated him so much and his friend's reply was "because you're the son of a clerk, and I am not supposed to want to be you." Profound...huh?

There are times in our lives when we encounter folks who, from the outside, seem to have it all but for whatever reason, they remain focused on you.  It doesn't matter if you're struggling and just getting by, if you show one iota of happiness, they're there, ready to pounce on your joy.  Most times, these "pouncers" come in the form of a so-called "friend", much like Sir Fernand in the Count movie.

The "Edmonds" in these scenarios are often well-intended, loyal, even slightly naive to it all...they make excuses like, "Oh, that's just him, he doesn't mean any harm." or we dismiss it all together because, naively, we expect folks to act and be the same way we are.  Most times the attack is very mild....a rumor here, a lie there.... but trust and believe, if given the opportunity to crush you, it would be taken without hesitation.  Some of us are lucky and wake up to the maliciousness before the individual ruins a part of our lives; others go through hell before realizing "Friend" is worse than ANY of our worst enemies.

I'm writing this post as a warning...yeah, sounds ominous but not taking heed to the damage a fake friend, aka "pouncer", can cause in your life, not to mention your self esteem, can have MAJOR consequences!  I know for a fact I've been lied on, gossiped about and I can't lie that sometimes I wonder what is floating around the listening person's head due to these lies.  But I can't let it stay on me; I can't make myself responsible for finding and filtering out lies others have chosen to accept about me.  I have, however, grown to a point where a rule of life is to always depend on ME to determine the credibility of another person, purely based on my own personal experience with them. Yeah, I'll listen and keep information in the back of my head like scribbled notes on a notebook but I won't let someone else's stories, lies, opinions make that determination for me.

Anyway....all of that to say this, please be careful who you call friend; who you share your intimate details or life events with. Be mindful of that one person who's always around when you're feeling low but can never be found when you're on a high.  Watch the ones who can never give a compliment without adding a criticism.  Just be careful y'all, because sometimes our enemies wear the faces of our dearest friends.

Peace and Love!

Just Imagine....

Do me a favor....without reading ahead, think on one issue or roadblock you are facing today.  It could be anything, a relationship you'd like to be "better", a business idea you have, ..whatever it is you're currently facing and need an answer or pathway to.  Now, read the next paragraph, not moving ahead until you've done what that paragraph requested.

Now, that issue you thought of....  Imagine if you could have that issue turn out exactly as you'd like it to.  Not the steps it would take to get there, just the end result of that issue.  Think about the details of the results, from where you would be, what you're wearing, how you'd feel. The things you now worry about, you no longer have to worry about.... Think of it all.  Take your time to build it up however you need the end result of this issue to be....Once you have it all in your mind....stay there in that space for a moment...for a few minutes...and really FEEL it.

In that moment, did you feel the reality of the situation?  Did you feel the change in your breathing, your thinking?  Did your body relax?  Did you smile or feel your body straighten with pride?  Did you feel as if you were there, if only for the moments you concentrated on it?

Okay...

What was the purpose of all of that you ask?  You FELT it!  I wanted you to feel it. If you can feel it, see it, imagine it, you can get to that space.  This exercise has allowed your consciousness to realize what you want is indeed possible.    

Now YOU have to believe it.  <3

www.facebook.com/rhrnlifecoaching

  

It's Going to be Okay...

I found a painting yesterday that reminded me of when I first officially started my divorce process. The painting says "Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself".  Of course I bought it and hung it in a spot easily seen upon entering my home.  It brought to mind another mantra I use ..."True love begins the moment you decide you are worth loving".

At the beginning of my divorce, I was nervous, unsure, down right scared about how my and my kids lives would be affected.  I thought about how our emotional, financial, mental health would change; I thought about if I was doing the right thing, how I would feel about it afterwards, how it would be to be on my own...for the first time....EVER.  You see, I joined the Air Force a year out of high school and married before ever living without the safety net of the military below me.  So making this move would put me in a situation I'd never experienced before.

Amazingly, once the divorce was in action, something strange happened.  I felt ...light.  I felt free to be who I am without restrictions or judgement.  I felt brand new.  But it wasn't until after I took the action needed to "prove" to myself I was worth loving!  And to move forward I had to believe that wholeheartedly.  Believe me, it took a little while to get to it but when I did, oh boy!!
    
WHEN YOU LOVE YOURSELF, you won't allow anyone else to NOT love you the right way!  You won't let anyone use, abuse or treat you badly.  I've never been a victim of physical abuse but can you imagine sitting idly by watching another person hurt someone you love!?  You couldn't do it and the same applies to when you love yourself.  When you truly love yourself, you won't allow ANYONE to mistreat you.

There are some who use "understanding" and "godliness" as excuses to stay in a relationship, be it a romantic relationship, a friendship, or a relationship with who we call our "associates".  In reality, it's plain and simple fear. We let people tell us how "strong" or "amazing" we are but deep down in the depths of our hearts, we know it's F.E.A.R. We're always claiming faith but we stay stuck by the fear of moving on and beyond what we can see.  We start on the "what ifs", making excuses about how the other person may feel, and all the other doubts we place in our minds.  Thinking no one else will love us when all we need is what we already have inside of us to love ourselves and knowing the rest will follow... Knowing it's going to be alright.


*DISCLAIMER:  This is NOT to say divorce is always "the answer"!!  I honestly feel if you can work on and BOTH of you are invested in your marriage, by ALL MEANS you should work to no ends to save your relationship!  Marriage can be hard work at times and giving up should not be an option when both of you want to save it!

If you need to talk, you can find me at:
www.facebook.com/rhrnlifecoaching

But I ...am That Spider...

As I'm sure many others are doing, I've been really thinking about the unfair and unjust handling of the Philando Castile case....the young black man who was shot several times by a white officer, while in the passenger seat of his car with his family, complying and doing all the things they say is right when stopped.  I think this case has brought it all into perspective for me.  America and maybe the rest of the world, are innately afraid of black people; they feel we are less than human and should be feared. Point. Blank. Period.


I used to think it was just folks hating black people because of greed, envy, guilt, or whatever excuse there is ..that that's what it was.  Today, I feel as if the real truth has surfaced.  We, black people are looked at as something to hate and fear and the world gives you the old "thumbs up" to feel that way.  It's not about complying, or conforming, or staying lowkey; it's not about being productive, a good citizen, donating, protesting, marching, "playing nice".   It's a deeply ingrained mindset, a belief about and against a group of people, against black people. 


I'm sure you've heard the analogy about the butterfly and spider, where blacks are viewed as most view spiders...that it's ok to be afraid of spiders...and that nobody blames you for that fear.  Except....


I am that spider; my brothers, sisters, children, grandchildren, friends ..we are that spider. What am I supposed to do? What are WE supposed to do?  Even when spiders crawl and exist in their own space, folks seek them out to destroy on sight.  For no reason other than existing.


So, I again I ask...what am I supposed to do?  How do I fix a problem that's not mine?  How do we fix a problem that's not ours?  How do I change your perspective of the spider? 

Contact

I remember when I was much, much younger as an airman stationed overseas.  One night while in my dorm room, I got the distinct feeling someone would be coming to my dorm room door.  Sure enough, after a short while, this young man I kinda-sorta knew, a fellow airman, knocked. 

I was already half asleep as it was pretty late, maybe around 2:00am, but I got up to answer the door.  He had a sad...maybe not sad, but more like yearning look on his face.  And without a word, he came in and we sat side by side on my bed.  He then laid his head on my stomach.  He put his arms around my waist and I draped my arms across his back and we laid like that for a little while.  I think he eventually dozed off for a little while....I think I did too.  After a while, as if the timing was something we'd previously agreed upon, I got up and I walked him to the door and he left. 

If we talked during that time, I don't remember it nor the conversation.  All I knew was he needed some form of connection without judgement.  I don't remember ever talking to him about it later.  It was just a moment.  A pure and innocent moment.

More Ramblings ... and a PTP Note

Sometimes I wonder how others can’t do it.  When I was much younger, I thought everyone could sense that sliver of deceit, manipulation, sadness, insecurity on those they came in contact with.  Why couldn’t they feel the issues from the past the people they spoke to had gone through?  And what were these dreams about anyway?  Maybe that’s why it was so hard to hold eye contact with folks when I was growing up…afraid they would see what I’m seeing in them.  Or maybe I was just shy....I don’t know, but I do wonder sometimes.

I don’t have that issue now.  Eye contact is vital.  Intentions can be viewed from the eyes; stories can be told through simple phone conversations; past trauma can be sensed through body language and facial expressions; sickness can be smelled. 

I went through a short span of nostalgia a couple days ago because I missed my mama.  She understood me without question.  She also helped me maneuver through and grow my gift.  There are others who know me but none quite like my mama….close but not quite the same.  I do miss her. 

Last night I dreamed something about a child being used as a pawn.  In the dream it seemed someone outside was doing the manipulation but turned out, those I thought were the victims and one of the parents were in on it.  It wasn’t to hurt the child but to “catch” the actions of another person.  Watch over your kids, keep an eye on who tries to encourage you to let them go somewhere with them WITHOUT you.  Don’t know what that means but there ya go.  Use it as you need.

Until next time, take care of yourselves!  <3

I Still Exist... Random Ramblings

Hey y'all!

I know, I know...I got lost for a little bit.  But ...I'm back.  Been super busy planning events for various folks and also getting my handcrafted jewelry business off the ground.  It's exciting ..but I'm back!  :-)

Today as I was walking around the building I work my bill-paying job, I noticed I do a couple unusual (or not) things in my everyday life that some may find...weird.  Don't get me wrong, I'm totally okay with "weird"!  I wouldn't want to be anything other than who I am and if weird is part of that make-up, I'll take it.

For one...being 5'9", my reach is a little higher than a lot of folks.  I find myself reaching at least a foot higher than "usual" to open doors.  I do it to avoid the mainstream of hand germs that may have proceeded me.  I also find myself cringing every time I have to open a handled door, thinking about the numerous amount of sweaty, dirty, etc... fingers that's gripped that door in that exact same space.

I also count.  Everything.  I may be slightly OCD because I find I not only count things, but I put numbers and letters in order!  License plates, road signs, words on a book...it could be anything and I'll put it in some form of order.  As I was typing this, it got me to thinking.  What if my need to put things in order stems from some traumatic event that may have happened, centering around being out of order...being out of control?  I know one of my mate fears is to be with a man who has no control over himself...physically, mentally, etc..  I remember being out with a guy who got upset I wasn't "feeling" him the way he thought I should...after all, he was supposed to be a ladies man so why wasn't I impressed?  He started getting a little loud, acting as if he was upset, ...heck, I'm sure he was upset! But he started raising his voice at me and my very first thought was "Well, it was good knowing him" and not soon after that night, I "ghosted"...yep, faded right out of that dudes life.  lol!  And it wasn't because of that one incident but because he displayed that one sign of being "out of control" of his emotions.  Maybe something happened in my life that frightened me while witnessing an out of control individual.  I don't know.   Gotta think about that one more...later.

Another idiosyncrasy I have is about time.  I don't like the thought that I'm wasting it.  You may be thinking, "that's a pretty decent flaw" but I'm not talking about wasting your life away not living, type of situation, although I do value that sentiment as well.  No, I'm talking about feeling the need to do everything I can orderly do, within a space and time frame, not wasting effort when certain things can all be done at the same time.  Actually, I now see this is another  form of the "order - control" thing, I'm REALLY going to have to look into this!  ...later.

These last two may actually be a good idea everyone can incorporate into their daily routines.  When using public restrooms....after washing our hands, use a napkin to open the doors!  Why go through the ritual of washing your hands if after doing so, you're going to just stick you hand back in the space where other dirty hands have been!  And lastly, always carry a pack of sanitary hand wipes to clean your hands after pumping gas at gas stations! Same reasons as the restroom thing because can you imagine, every walk of life imaginable have clutched those pump handles...yuck.

Okay, so I'm back; I still exist.  I won't keep this rambling thing up any more.  Besides, it's late, I'm tired and my bed is calling me!  I will try my best to not let as much time pass before I'm back on again, sharing.  :-)

Chat with ya later~

Body Count...To Ask or Nah?

This topic is a little controversial it seems, at least if the responses I've seen are of any indication.  The topic is to the question of "body count" (how many folks someone has slept with) and whether or not the question should be asked before going into a relationship.

I was slightly amused and a little puzzled to see folks, mostly women, actually getting upset just about the question of asking this question!  Yeah, your life and personal business is your life and personal business, however, my philosophy is, TRY to never do anything you're going to be ashamed of if it comes to light.  We're human and we make mistakes, bad decisions, etc and we live, learn and grow and any human old enough to engage in sexual relations should understand this.  So, in my opinion, to ask the question for any other reason except to deepen a bond, is just being nosy, judgmental, etc..  My thoughts, as jumbled as they may seem here is, it shouldn't be asked unless you both are ok enough with yourselves that you can maturely discuss it and/or you're ready to make a commitment that includes marriage.  And if you're uncomfortable sharing all of who you are with the person you're joining yourself with, then maybe you should rethink marrying him/her (another topic altogether!).

With all of that being said, this topic brought this to my mind...it's so amazing to me, with all of the "independent woman" proclamations being shouted quite loudly and clearly, that when your actions of independence comes into question, there's a problem.  So, does this mean this whole thing is a scam?  Are we using "independence" to counter some of the things we've done, some things we may feel deep down inside are/were not the best way of doing things as an excuse to feel better about our decisions (which, by the way, should be looked at as life lessons learned)?  Shouldn't we just accept ourselves and the choices we've made as simply life lessons which hold no right or wrong value if the lesson was gained from the interaction?  No one is perfect; no one makes no mistakes; we're all human; we can change anything we want about ourselves, or at minimum, change the way we think about it..

Ok, I've said ALL of that to say this... Let's look at it from the most simplistic way I can think of at 11:06am...  if doing it bothers you, STOP DOING IT.  Point. Blank. Period.  

Once Upon a Time....

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, kind woman.  She had herself together, was taking care of herself, making her ends meet with some leftover!  There was also this evil prince...not so much "evil" as deceitful and sneaky.  The beautiful woman knew deep down inside she deserved better but she settled for the sneaky prince because she doubted she would find better, although she claimed she trusted her God to provide.  The End.

Not a good story is it?  Don't let it be yours.

Email: RHRN@trenajones.com

Email:  rhrncoaching@gmail.com

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Prepping for the Okey Doke

Black people and other People of color, are in a precarious space right now.  No, not the "business as usual" stance where we are denied the better offers, followed around stores or the other ways we are discriminated against on a daily basis.  I'm specifically talking about being in the familiar position of getting the "ole Okey Doke" pulled on us once again.

We've joined the rest of America in marching and protesting against the "powers that be", yeah, it's for a good reason but I'm feeling some type of way about it.

I can imagine it has the same feel as our ancestors felt during the fight for civil rights, feminism, equal pay, etc...all of those things where the majority was extremely quick to grab us and pull us into a fight that had become theirs.  These are great causes so you may ask, what is the big deal now?

The big deal is, where were these folks just months ago when blacks and browns were marching against the killing of our brothers, sisters, children?  When we were shouting at the top of our lungs, "Hands Up" and "I Can't Breathe", with a small exception compared to this, all we got back from the masses was "...but ALL lives matter!"  And for the ones not wondering what happened before the tape started rolling, not a peep.  They sat in their homes, anxiously hoping no one pulled them into the fray, while under their breaths, they were murmuring, "Well, look at THEM and the way they act..that's why THEY get treated the way THEY do...THEY are acting like animals and thugs!!"

But now, America is treating THEM like they've treated blacks for years upon years, and suddenly we all are suppose to break our necks protesting, chanting and gathering.

Yes, the fight for right is always good but I wonder where these same folks will be once they get what THEY want.  Will they continue the fight for equal rights and treatment for blacks and other people of color once they remove the trump out of the White House?  Or will they, as history has dictated ALWAYS, conveniently forget about our struggles?  I mean, the precedence that's been set says that's exactly what will happen.  We'll become "those thugs and animals" again with a quickness.

So, I say, if and while we are out marching and chanting, make sure you get YOUR situation started and taken care of.  While you are out there "making connections", you better make sure you are doing what you need to do to stay CONNECTED.  For you, yours and your communities.  Start your businesses while the awareness that we definitely DO matter is fresh in everyone's head.  Get the connections you need to build your foundation so when the hoopla dies down, you won't have not gotten anything out of this.

Yeah, it's very reminiscent of "times o' past"....but THIS TIME, if the ole Okey Doke is pulled, you'd have gotten something out of it...not just been a willing pawn in a fight that's always been yours but you've had to fight mostly alone for a long, long time, ...until the fight became theirs.

<3
 

A Quickie For Ya...

When it comes to fearing love or the fear of being in love, I feel our best option is to release our ever present "ego".  Ego, that thing that pulls in pride, shame, fear, and all the other things we "go through" to talk ourselves into and/or out of what we need.  And yeah, I know it seems easier said than done HOWEVER if you think of it in the following way, I think it'll be MUCH easier to process. Here goes...

LOVE WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS.  That's it, nothing more, nothing less.  When we love without expectations, we are able to give without the burden or disappointment of what may or may not come back to us. And in that giving, we receive by default.

I love you.  ;-)

Sooo, What's Up Y'all?

Hey y'all!

Took a mini-break from here to work on things more towards my creative side.  Here are a few of the "things" I was working on: 

And yes, they are for sale, starting at $10 ranging through $14.50 (the ones shown). 

I don't "push" life coaching like I do the creative side of my business. It's simply because, when you are ready to move out of your blockage, IF I am the one to help you, it'll work itself out. I won't have to search for you, you will push through whatever's making you hesitate, you'll contact me and it'll happen. I truly believe that. 

 <3

Operating Outside of Your Mainframe

I found myself reacting to a situation in a way that was rather abnormal for me. Once I thought about the exchange, I realized I was responding from a place of fear and insecurity.  I took a simple statement, made it about me and ...reacted. I felt bad afterwards and apologized.  I still have so much to learn about myself.

This year, 2017, has been something indeed.  Only eight days in and I still feel as if it could only get better.  And honestly, maybe it IS better ...maybe the learning and growing pains are just that ...pains. My core belief, the one I have to constantly check in with lately, tells me I'm going to be alright.  It's just the battle between what I think I want and what the Universe know I need.  The anxiety of it all can drive a girl batty.  

I'm in a space of having one foot on one side of the line and the other foot planted on the opposite side...yes, I'm straddling the fence of PEACE.  Weird, huh?  Why would I do that?  I think it's because during the everyday business of living, I sometimes lose the awareness of the simple fact that I am exactly where I'm suppose to be and will end up exactly where I'm suppose to end up.  It's just ...the suspense is killing me.  lol...  

Trust me, I'm in no rush to get to the end of the journey.  But the "what's around the bends" are getting the best of me in those moments of unawareness.  I see I'm going to have to constantly remind myself that God got me.  Last time I needed a lesson this badly, I got it tattooed on me (Be Still). Maybe that tattoo is still very relevant and another one is not needed.  Besides, what would it say..."I SAID Be Still!" ?    

Yeah...no new tattoo needed.  I'm good.     

"The Battle"

Like a thief in the night it comes,
Annihilating artificially secured barriers.
Familiar splinters fly untamed
Looking for vulnerable flesh to embed
Coming to push you over into war,
The bloodiest fight known,
The battle between head and heart.


(c) Trena Jones, 2017