After almost 5 years of being divorced, I’m still working on this thing, trying to get the strings completely untied. Today, while in the bank using the free signature guarantee service, the person who helped me casually asked me about my process. The one thing I had to offer her was, “Don’t worry about being nice and fair just to get through the process, be SMART first!” She thanked me and went on to share her experience. Although hers was a break from a long engagement, she felt she was still being taken through unnecessary processes to equally split what they’d grown together.
I could tell she wanted to talk more and I was moved to share a little bit more. I explained to her why I’d said what I said. During my divorce, when I could have taken EVERYTHING, I chose to be “fair”…more than fair honestly because I gave up so much more than I probably should have, to include the family home. My lawyer advised me I could have it easily…but I didn’t want it; I felt it was too large for me and my girls. And besides, I wanted to start anew! I wanted to begin the long needed process of finding out exactly who TRENA was/is…and the journey have been AMAZING but that is another story!
I could tell the teller needed more and without a clue to what she needed, I just followed my feelings… “When it comes to infidelity, if he comes to you with his confession, then he may truly be remorseful and ashamed of what he’s done; you may have a chance to fix the relationship if you both are willing. However, if YOU find out and he continues to deny it, then he’s probably not ashamed or sorry, he’s only upset that he got caught.” She confirmed my suspicions, admitting that’s exactly what she was dealing with.
She told me she had to deal with him TODAY and was so glad I’d come in; she was apprehensive about the emotions she felt would surface once face-to-face with him again. I said to her, “What you felt, what he made you feel, was the fantasy of the man for you. He only pretended to have those qualities. So when you look at him, know that he was only the vehicle that brought your ideal of your man to light…he’s NOT that man. And it’s ok to feel sad, because the relationship is worth grieving but don’t let those emotions make you outthink your head.”
The man for her is out there, she’s a beautiful woman who now has an idea of how “The One” should be (and NOT be!). I’m sure she’ll be just fine. To think, I was turned down by two places I thought would be able to help me with my paperwork. Turns out, I needed to be turned down so that I could go into that particular bank, with that particular teller, at that particular time.
No comments:
Post a Comment